Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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