yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
