Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
