Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
