She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
