the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
