She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She even gives head with a lisp.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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