does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
