i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
