Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
