So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
