Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There's even glitter on my cock...
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