Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
