It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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