Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
