Four minutes until I can fart!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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