On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
