i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
