one two three fourrrrnication!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
