We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
