Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
