I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
