Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's paper in my vomit.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
