He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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