Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
