I feel like I'm in dance class right now
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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