So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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