If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
