You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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