Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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