Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
