i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
