Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Are my feet made of real feet?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
