Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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