the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
