You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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