just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
