I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
