i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
