fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
