Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
