What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well you can't waste a boner
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's blow job season.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
