Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
