lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
