Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
