If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
