i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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