I'm really into asian looking animals
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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