My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
