its not stalking. its research.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
